Some ghoulish thrills for your Halloweenie!

Fleshlight's original toy. Hey, if she came
with it, I wouldn't need the toy!

Perhaps you've heard of the fleshlight? The makers of the multi-million selling masturbation toy have made it their mission to corner the market on sex aids for men by offering a wide range of variations to their core product. The concept is simple; a cylindrical tube (available in different styles/colours) houses an interchangeable inner sleeve made of "real feal (sic)" synthetic "flesh". The inner sleeves are molded in a variety of orifices and with different inner chamber textures. Some, in true sex-toy fashion, are modelled after porn starlet's naughty bits.

Now, just in time for the Hallowe'en season, the toy-maker introduces its line of Fleshlight Freaks. Because what could be sexier than the thrill of jacking into a synthetic product modelled after a vampire, a carefully sewn together Frankenstein's bride or rotting zombie flesh? Okay, is it just me, or do those last two have decidedly limited appeal? 

Girls, don't feel left out, there's also dildos included in the Freak line of toys. I really have to wonder though, how many people will buy the zombie or Frankenstein toys? There's a powerful ewww! factor to a toy that's based on corpse flesh. Think about it. Zombies, Frankenstein... dead. Admittedly, they're living dead, but dead nonetheless. I know, there's the whole Twilight vampire undead thing that's got women the world over wetting their knickers, but this is different. We're talking rotting dead, so you've gotta be at least mildly comfortable with the true concept of, um... necrophilia. In fairness, on the description for the dildos it says "for external use only". Really? Doesn't that negate the whole point of a dildo? How much fun could that be?

Hmmm... think of it as your own personal Avatar!

Creep factor aside, I will admit that the Alien and Cyborg versions of the toy do pique my interest. So what does that say about me? Just as Captain Kirk was quite comfortable with the thought of doing a green chick, I'll boldy go where no horny men have gone before and slip my Johnson into some synthetically molded blue, um... flesh.

Hey it's all fair game when Hallowe'en's involved.